Finding Love

At the age of 15 I was sure I had found love, love that would last forever, but little did I know that this love would turn into one abusive relationship after another; leading to years of insecurity, low self-esteem, shame, embarrassment, and guilt. I was looking for love in all the wrong places trying to seek validation in men that were not aware of how to love themselves let alone love me. To be quite honest, I went into both abusive relationships not knowing who or whose I was. I had no clue how significant my life was and is on earth. You see because I lack the knowledge and understanding of my value, I allowed what the world said about me to supersede what the Word said about me. Despite the fact that, my grandmother and mother had communicated how much God loved me and I could talk to Him about anything anytime and the fact that it was a rule I had to go to church every Sunday if I lived in their household, I was still led astray by the enemy. You see, I knew God, through my mother and grandmother, but I did not know Him for myself.  My father was not in my life growing up which also played a huge part in my need for validation by men. I craved the attention of men because of the lack of attention I received from my father. It has taken years for me to heal from the hurt, pain, and shame of it all, but I am so thankful God’s plan was so much better than mine. It is interesting how we think we have life all figured out from A to Z, even when things are jacked up and the red flags are stirring us in the face. In both of my abusive relationships, I experienced physical, emotional and psychological abuse and it took me 21 years before I finally found the courage and strength from God to walk away. Yes! It was all God’s strength and power that pulled me out and kept me out. Then God in his boundless Love, sent an angel, my husband, to rescue me from the chaos. 

My Love Story

My husband, Freddy and I first met in 2004 during basketball season, my daughter started playing for his traveling basketball team and he was the coach. He was very handsome, and there was something special about him that I found attractive; but when I found out from another basketball mom he was married, that ended my interest in getting to know him better. Every basketball season I would see him and that same feeling would emerge but quickly dissipate once I remembered he was married. Eventually, I accepted the fact that he was taken, and wished him well in my mind. He never knew I secretly had feelings for him until I admitted it to him after we were married. 

In November of 2007, I had just ended my second abusive relationship when my now-husband, Freddy, called me after my daughter’s basketball game and asked me out of a date. He told me his life story in the first phone call stating he was no longer married, along with a long list of other likes and dislikes, and that he wanted a chance to get to know me better. I was surprised and super excited all at the same time, and of course, I said yes. To make a long story short, we fell in love and got married 3 years later April 8, 2010. From the moment of our first date until this very day my husband has made me feel like a Queen. Because of his love for me I desired to know God more intimately. It was the first time I felt comfortable and free to praise and study God’s word and seek Him for myself.   My husband was gentle, slow to anger and eager to make me happy which I never got from any one of the relationships I was in before. It took me years to heal from the brokenness of my past, and to be quite honest I am still healing. But I am extremely grateful my husband has stayed with me through it all. We are regularly active, traveling and making special time for date nights weekly. I am always excited to spend time with my King. I love my husband and I am so happy God sent him to me to show me what true love is all about. To anyone wondering if true love really exists after abuse, I am here to tell you it does. Never stop believing and trusting God for true love! You are enough, God has not forgotten about you!!   I have never felt so much freedom, peace, and love for a relationship before as I do with my husband.  He makes my heart sing ever day God allows me to wake.  Finding this type of love has been one of my greatest joys other than God’s love for me.